Jon Swift Needs To Believe

  • Update: Just read a few more of Swift’s posts. Now I’m even more impressed because for the second post in a row, I have been fooled. Jon Swift really is a Mega Concern Troll. And that’s even funnier. I did not believe there existed a liberal American blogger with a combination of intelligence and humour. I could not believe it, and I can hardly still. For several years the conservative humour blogs I link in this post have roamed the blogosphere as giants among anklebiters. At last a liberal has risen to the challenge. Swift couldn’t quite match them, for he had to position himself as a conservative and talk like a conservative FTW. But, WIN nonetheless Jon. WIN nonetheless.

    The fisking challenge still stands.


Saskboy’s A.S.S.P.O.T.Y award competition for post of the year includes the most singular meta-fisking I have ever seen. It’s called Great Moments in Election Year-Blogging – a review of the American conservative blogosphere’s election coverage by Jon Swift. It didn’t make the American conservative blogosphere happy.

This has led to controversy as to whether Swift is a Mega Concern Troll – calling himself “a reasonable conservative” only to make his criticisms of conservatives more effective. And I do find it rather interesting…*cough*smackingofhypocricy*cough*… that Swift invokes Reagan’s law when conservatives get mad at him for criticizing conservatives – and when Swift’s own self description as a specifically “reasonable” conservative is not winning one for the Gipper.

Even so, it isn’t hard to lay that canard to rest because Jon Swift is funny. See, liberals have been too busy calling Bush and conservatives fascist to bother trying to be funny about anything. And liberal concern trolls are no less constipated with dudgeon. I find myself consistently unable to discover a liberal humour site that is funny in anything like the way Iowahawk, Protein Wisdom, BlameBush!, Scrappleface, and IMAO are most of the time. Which is exactly why Swift’s post on the collective conservative Epic Fail was awesome to read – I suspect that nothing like it has ever graced these United Internets of North America.

To say the least, Swift is unconstipated. I don’t know very many liberals like that and even fewer who could do what Swift did, which is criticize conservatives in terms other than as if a little peice of Hitler’s soul reincarnates into every conservative heart. What I’m saying is that Swift understands conservatives and that means it’s almost a sociological certainty that he is one.

This isn’t to say that our Mr. Swift is entirely unconstipated. Althouse. I don’t need to say much more. It would appear that Swift feels threatened in a beeotchy way by her general nonconcern and this does credentialize theories that he is gaytarded. I would suggest however, that it’s because he has no real criticisms of Althouse. I think Swift is pretty transparent – he’s peeved that he isn’t one of the big boys in the Yank Conservosphere. Althouse and the rest of the targets of his post are in the way of that and all Swift’s really got on her is a post where she speculated that Obama was using an earpiece in a debate. Which she later called her worst post of the year. And, other than calling Jon Swift gaytarded, the fact that she did that is the real point of this post.

Just before I get into that I feel the need to smack Swift with a fisking challenge gauntlet. Jon, I’m damn impressed by your post. The majestic hysteria that ruled the conservative blogoshpere during the election campaign not much less than the liberal was quite a shock even to me – a conservative who cut his teeth on World Net Daily and didn’t clue in that they can be partisan in an insane way for a couple of years. At one point in this past election Youtube videos of children singing triggered mass panic on the mighty American right. But is frightened gossip a worthy target of your talent? I’m putting myself out there Jon – I got pretty hysteric myself. I wrote an essay called “Heather Mallick, Barack Obama, and Gnostic Liberalism”. I’ve been thinking recently about how valid the arguments I made were now that it has all died down and so…

If you are a conservative and a man you will attempt to do to my essay what you did with rumours in your post. Or else totally agree with it, that would also be acceptable.

 Back to where I left off with Althouse. I trust Ann’s blog more than the mainstream media. Even a one-off speculative post about what looked like an earpeice was publicized by Ann as her worst post of the year. And of course, Swift cannot mention that Ann voted for Obama in his quixotic essays to skewer the icons of the Yankee rightosphere and thus rise to precedence by default despite his site being even less attractive than mine.

  • An aside: The thing is Jon, people like you and me are great thinkers. We post exegesis, not flaming skulls. The internets are not known for loving that. (We can love each other Jon!)

The failing of Jon’s post about the conservative Epic Fail is that Jon Swift needs to believe. He needs to believe that there is a place in the medias somewhere where truth and balance are defining attributes. Let us consult Thomas Jefferson:

The man who never looks into a newspaper
is better informed than he who reads them;
inasmuch as he who knows nothing is
nearer to the truth than he whose mind
is filled with falsehoods and errors.
(link)

Only 38% of the people in this American poll trusted the internet for news. But then, that’s 18% more than trusted the national television networks. I don’t know if I trust the internet 38% of the time, but I certainly do trust a medium prone to obviously hysteric gossip more than the practiced up gossipers of Swift’s hallowed “mainstream” media – people who think in innunedo and package it with deft professionalism.

I have two incidents in mind when I think of why I don’t watch TV news anymore and am pretty damn assured I’m better educated for it. The particularily relevant one was a report that almost made my jaw drop. It was a shocking video clip of a piece of an enormous glacier melting or breaking off into the Arctic ocean. The information contained in the video was exactly zero. Even if the current definition of climate change was “inevitable decent into ice age”, pieces of ice would be breaking off of glaciers. The backstory that this non-information was wrapped in was pretty ambitious – the usual hurry up and do something about the coming apocalypse meme. It was all story and no substance. The medium became the message and even the thought process. People who can see a piece of ice fall and report it like that are not thinking in the traditional sense. It is thought-in-innuendo and it is in evidence nowhere less than in the mainstream media. I’ll take the environmental reporting of Small Dead Animals with an acknowledged bias, freely dissenting comments, and links to articles and blogs with detail I could get lost in over people watching ice falling every single time.

Epic Win, Jon?
Epic Win, Jon?
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